Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
