I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
