this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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