I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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