I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
