he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
