so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
