i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
