i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
