no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
