a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
