Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
