Betty ford says i'm here all night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am available for nakedness
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
