i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
