She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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