Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
