things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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