i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
birth control should be required to get into college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
