I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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