i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
