tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
