Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
