Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
