Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
