either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
