Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
