party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize