bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
