what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He kissed a someone with a penis
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
