Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need to get me chipped asap
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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