Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's just like the Real World with babies
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
