There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
