How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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