Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
