either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
