I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
