Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
