I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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