You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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