Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
