I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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