I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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