Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
