talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
