Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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