sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
