My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
