watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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