the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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