Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
