all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
