i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
