We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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