These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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