Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
