i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
