shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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