Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
