It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
