i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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