He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize