I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
