i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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