Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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