His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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