weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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