I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
