The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
