We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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