Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
