I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
