It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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