there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
