i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
