Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
