did you get engaged???
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
