So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
