Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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