This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you inspire me to be a worse person
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
