I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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