He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
